marathoner

I am very anxious today.  I have to deal with a grown woman who is acting like a child.  I realize I am choosing to deal with her, but I am doing it for my benefit more than anything else.  I have come to realize that I hate comflict and perhaps the best thing to do is to cut off this woman from my life permanently, but I owe it to myself to at least end things amicably.  Of course, I am feeling anxious.

Ok…I think the last time I exercised regularly was back in December—around the 20th.  I did exercise while my parents were here and went back to the gym about the middle of January.  Of course, I fell off the wagon when my life was turned upside down about two weeks ago…so yesterday, armed with renewed commitment and determination and challenged by my friend Shanna, I decided to do Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred.

Buddies, I could not, for the life of me complete the video!!  It was so disheartening!! Is it possible that I have lost my level of fitness in a little over a month?  I am back to where I was when I first started exercising back in October!! Is it possible? 

I am getting back on that horse today and I hope I can complete the video.

My goal for the day is to do better than yesterday—

I crossed two items off my list yesterday, so today I am shooting for at least 3!

Happy Friday my friends!

I used to be a BIG fan of Dr. Phil and I would pick up every book but I could never get past the first two chapters…and one day, I realized why—-although he is a good psychologist, perhaps the best one even, the guy is full of himself, it’s pretty pathetic actually.  All his books start off the same way….self-praise and his constant reminder that he knows what he’s talking about—we know…now get to the meaty stuff, the reason why I bought the book to begin with! 

Finally one day, I wisened up and turned off his show and never picked up another one of his books.  Like I said, he is good, but his ego turns me off.  Today, I have to employ one of the tactics he most preaches—-YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT YOU DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE.

I will no longer hide under a rock and instead will come clean once and for all….buddies, I have fallen flat on my face off the weight-loss, nutrition and exercise wagon.  I don’t mean I am slipping and sliding, I mean I have QUIT!  I can’t remember the last time I exercised or tracked my food and well, as we all know, to take off the weight we must put in some hard work and sacrifices and to gain weight, it seems all we have to do is breathe.  Of course, the scale NEVER misses an opportunity to taunt us and like a good-intentioned mother, throw in our face the consequences of our actions—I am back up to 203.4 lbs.

I have a CHOICE—I can either wallow in self-pity or I can dust myself off and work hard to turn things around…those of you who know me well, know what I have chosen to do!

Ok…so I did my calculations again this morning—we are 4 weeks into 2009 and we have 48 more weeks to go!  According to my calculations to reach my goal, I have to lose 1.5 lbs. per week for the next 48 weeks.  Doable?  Yes.  My goal for the month of February is to reach 197.4 lbs.

As I mentioned in my previous blogs…my life in general is under contruction and I had a mini breakdown yesterday.  I have a few project lined up and I will be sharing them with you, but for now, I just wanted to let you know where I am in terms of weight loss and what my goals for the month of February are!

One of the things I am trying to work on is SAVING $$$.  In these tough economic times, I think we are all trying to watch our budget carefully.  I have decided that I have spent a pretty penny on exercise videos.  I have a pretty good collection now and so I have decided to save on gas by working out at home for the next 6 weeks—-I have 3 Biggest Loser videos and Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred.  I have taken before photos which I promise to share with you guys in about 6 weeks!

Even though I have taken a few step backs on this journey, almost 10 steps back (having gained back almost 10 lbs.) one thing remains unchanged—my motivation and perseverance.  I will reach my goals in 2009, no doubt about it!

Really quick blog….

I will be catching up with everyone throughout the day….

Life at the moment is pretty hectic….I want to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess I’ve made and move forward, but for that, I need time and patience…I ask the same from you guys. 

So this is the plan for the day….I will read one blog at a time, in between chores and at the end of the day, I hope to be able to sit down and catch everyone up on what I have been doing.  My hope is by the end of the day, I can verbalize all the ideas that I have swirling around in my head.

Now about the title of my blog, do not be deceived, I will NEVER give up on myself, as you all know, I don’t know how to do that and quite honestly, I don’t want to learn HOW either, BUT I am giving up on ONE thing temporarily—-I am not going to even try not eating infront of the boob tube.  Honestly, I feel like this is something else I am failing at and it adds insult to injury.  I need to see myself succeeding at SOMETHING right now so that I can gather up some strength to move forward….does that make sense?  So I am sorry if I am disappointing anyone, particularly those of you who have partnered up with me on this.  I am not giving up altogether, for as you all know, this is the ONE thing that really is getting in the way of my weight-loss goals.  Right now, I am not ready. 

The good news is that I bought some healthy alternatives to snack on while watching the boob tube.  Right now, the boob tube is what’s helping me unwind and keep my sanity, so giving IT up altogether is not an alternative for me.

Anyway, just wanted to give everyone a heads up and as I said, I will catch up with all my buddies today.  It is my mission!

Has anyone heard of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred?  OMG it’s an amazing 20 minute workout that has you sweating from head to toe!  I want to do it!  I tried it before and I think I did 6 days of it…but you’re supposed to do it for 30 consecutive days so I will start tomorrow. 

The stress in my life and my fall from nutrition and exercise grace has me feeling frumpy, jiggly and unmotivated, HOWEVER, I am not going back to my old ways—NO WAY, NO HOW….I have a goal to reach this year…ONCE and FOR ALL!!  There is no stopping me…maybe LIFE will slow me down from time to time, but STOP ME?

NEVER!!

Since I am commiting to 30 Day Shred, I will also commit to breaking my nasty habit—-mindless boob tube eating!! Can it be done?  Nancy….I cannot promise you 100 days, but 30 is a good start!

My birthday is coming up in less than a month….my friends will be visiting in less than that, so I would like to be in the best shape of the year before their arrival, because God knows once they get here, my nutrition and my exercise regimen will take a back seat….before anyone scolds me….I have to say this:  I am being realistic and I refuse to add more pressure to myself…God knows that has gotten me nowhere in the past.  The truth is, everytime I have had visitors, I end up falling off the wagon, so it is best to do my absolute best before they arrive, so the damage done while my guests are here is minimal!

BOY was that a run-on sentence, my sophomore English teacher would have a coronary if she read that last paragraph!! Wow!!  LOL!

Tomorrow I start my 30 Day Shred and I also start my 30 days NO FOOD IN FRONT OF THE BOOB TUBE streak….I will take BEFORE pictures which I will post together with my AFTER pictures.  Ok Miss Jillian Michaels, I am going to put your video to the test.  If anyone else has this video or if they want to join me on this challenge, give me a holla!! It will be great to do this with someone—–ARE YOU READING THIS STACEY??  ARE YOU?  ARE YOU??? 

Buddies, let’s have an exceptional week!

I am embarking on a new journey. 

Before I embark, I want to thank everyone who had a kind word for me on my last blog.  I would like to thank everyone who prayed for my family and I because God listened and God has spoken.  The time has come for me to take stock of my life, leave the past where it belongs and move forward.  I am scared and hopeful, but I know that good things await. 

I am packing lightly on my new journey, but I am taking my weight-loss and fitness goals along with me.  The time has come for me to grow up.  I have to admit that more often than not, I live in a fantasy world and that my feet are never firmly grounded.  I need help.  I know that I cannot embark on this journey alone.  I am turning to God on this one. 

I know the days, weeks, months and years ahead will be challenging but I accept the challenge with grace, humility and more importantly, with open arms.

Buddies, I am a semi-responsible child.  I am inmature and my lack of maturity has hurt me, it has kept me from reaching my full potential.  I am a functioning child…meaning, I can hold a job and do well in it, I can be a mom and a spouse and do a decent job of it, but more often than not, I am DREAMING up my life instead of doing…so truly, I have not been LIVING!

It took a Hellish week in my life to realize that as often as I threaten to leave my marriage, the truth of the matter is that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, because the most important and precious gift life and God has given me, is right here under the same roof—my family!

Although I have provided so much for my family, there is so much more I could give them and yet, I am not doing so because again, I am too busy living in a fantasy world.  It’s a shame. 

I am recognizing it now and I am willing to make the necessary changes!

Thank you once again for all your support!

I’ve had a ROUGH week…an inevitable week which I have been waiting for, for 7+ years.  I won’t go into details, as I am trying to remain calm and keep what little bit of sanity I have left.  What I will say, is that this has been a wake-up call to my family and I, that some things need to change.

Do you know how there are experiences in our lives which completely change and derail us?  Sometimes for the better good and oftentimes for the abyss? We often talk about things that are meant to be and about God having a plan.  Well, I believe there are some experiences in our lives which take us to a place of no return, like the first time we have sex for example.  Once the wheel is in motion, there is nothing to stop us and there is no going back.  This is the kind of week I have had.

Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I believed has been put to the test and I truly believe that as difficult as things may seem right at the moment, my family and I will be stronger and more united than before…or so I hope. 

I am grateful to God for this opportunity, which although painful, has allowed me to open my eyes, become more humble and has allowed me vow my head and ASK for help.  It has allowed me to embrace change like never before.  My heart is bruised and broken, but my spirit soars because I know that when it is ALL said and done, I will be a better, stronger person and my relationship with God and with my boys will only grow deeper!  Yes, life happens…

Losing weight is only the tip of the iceberg…

I thank each of you who checked in on me and I ask those who pray to please keep my boys and I in your prayers.  God knows we really need them. 

Ok buddies, we have 50 chances left to get one step closer to our goals, think about it, 50!! That’s huge!  If we could commit to losing 1 lb. per week, that’s 50 lbs. in a year…and think, all you have to do to lose ONE pound is to create a deficit of 500 calories per day!  THINK ABOUT IT—-it’s THAT simple!!  Burn 250 calories per day and reduce 250 calories from your diet on a daily basis!! Ok…I know mentally, emotionally it’s NOT that simple, but technically buddies, IT IS!! 

I got on the scale this morning and I gained 1 lbs., even with exercise!  I am no fool, I know I have been eating more than my share of cookies and ice-cream and yes, I ate an entire bag of tortilla chips, from NYE until sometime last week.  It’s no surprise I am up a pound. 

I was busting my butt on the Ski Machine this morning when it dawned on me:  HOLIDAY WEIGHT IS LIKE HOLIDAY DEBT!  It’s so easy to ‘charge it’ and so much harder to pay it off!  Well…I gained 7.3 lbs. over the Holidays, from Thanksgiving until the New Year!  I don’t even remember eating that much really….but boy, am I well aware of it when I get on that treadmill!!  I feel like the interest on those 7 lbs. are eating me alive!!

My goal for the week is to lose 2 lbs.  Plain and simple!

Now about the second topic of my blog—Active Rest Days!

My workout regimen consists of the following:  3 consecutive days of exercise followed by a rest day!  Well, I decided that my rest days shouldn’t mean I sit infront of the TV, kick my shoes off and proceed to a vegetative state, instead, I have decided to use the opportunity to spend time with my child doing something HE likes.  Well yesterday it was the wave pool!  Next time, maybe ice-skating or a museum (and yes, my baby likes museums)!!

DS and I hung out in the pool for two hours yesterday and we have a great time, I am sure I got a workout in because I had the best sleep in forever and a half!! It was great!! 

Finally, Bobbie and Nancy:  I have NOT been able to start my streak!!  The reason you don’t have any numbers Nancy, is because I am still shoving my face with food while I watch the boob tube!! This is one nasty little habit I am finding hard to break, but I am on a mission and I WILL CONQUER!!!!  Bobbie, how are you doing on our streak??

I have a nasty little habit I DESPERATELY want to change!  I believe this nasty little habit is what’s standing between me and weight-loss success—what is this nasty little habit?  Mindless “binging” infront of the boob tube.

I know that I must CHANGE this habit—I want to start a streak—no eating infront of the boob tube.  PERIOD.  No ifs, buts or nothing about it—NO EATING INFRONT OF THE TV!

Per Nancy’s suggestion and example, I want to start a SNACK-FREE TV VIEWING streak—per Anj’s suggestion and example, I will track my success by putting a sticker on my calendar for every successful day—today I thought would be DAY 1, until of course, I had a chocolate, chocolate-chip cookie—after that, it was over…it was tuna with crackers and dulce de leche.  Sure, it could’ve been worse, but that’s not the point.  THE POINT IS—how am I going to CHANGE this nasty habit, if I can’t even get my streak going? 

Anyway….my day wasn’t so bad.  I accomplished FOUR out of 10 items on my daily TO DO list.  This is an improvement from yesterday, when I only crossed off TWO items off my list!  I also exercised again…I did the Leslie Sansone 5 miles video.   Tomorrow is my last day of exercise before my first break of the week:  I have decided to exercise 3 consecutive days and rest one—this way I can have a rest day and keep things interesting!  Tomorrow I have an appointment with a treadmill!  I am sore from yesterday’s workout—and I feel good!!

My goal for tomorrow is to do better than today—-perhaps I am better off planning my meals—this seemed to work really good when I tried it.  It was an idea I got from Lori—speaking of Lori…did you guys check out her pictures?  She looks absolutely amazing!! Check them out and show our girl some love!  Her pictures will THINSPIRE you!  Hey Anj, I really like the whole THINSPIRING thing!! LOL!

So, going back to the tittle of my blog—I need to change this nasty little habit…so I am thinking that I should LIMIT my TV viewing time to one show per night.  If I can make it through one show without eating and then TURNING off the darn boob tube, I may have a better chance!!  HOWEVER, I need any and ALL suggestions you feel could help me turn things around!

Or maybe even better—365 chances to get a little closer!

I have to admit that even in KNOWING that I will reach my goal in 2009 and even though I know I will do so for life, I have been feeling a bit discouraged and overwhelmed as of late.  Nothing really has changed, the drive, the motivation, the tools are all there.  The problem? I can’t seem to pick up momentum!

Every morning I wake up with the best of intentions.  Every morning I tell myself, TODAY IS THE DAY, when I will follow my plan to a “T” and every day, I go to bed deflated and disappointed at myself for not only not making any progress, but for digging myself into a deeper hole.  Buddies, this is NOT meant to be a downer of a blog.  My feelings are raw, I know, but I have a positive message to share with you guys.

We have 52 weeks (well, more like 51) to get closer to our goals.  We have 354 opportunities to make the right choices.  I am not shooting for PERFECTION!  I am seeking BALANCE and PROGRESS in ALL areas of my life, not just weight-loss!

I was sitting at home reading everyone’s blogs SERIOUSLY considering repeating to myself what seems to be my mantra these days—”tomorrow.”  I would track my food, exercise, eat my fruits and veggies, take by vitamins….when?  TOMORROW.  So today, not only will I skip everything that is good and healthy, I will also eat all the chocolate and ice-cream in sight! I will prop myself in front of the boob tube and have a “last binge, I mean MEAL.”  If any of you find yourselves in this mess, raise your hands!

Well….I have no idea what my caloric intake for the day is, since I did not track my food, but you know what I did do instead?  I got my butt off the computer chair, dutifully changed into my workout clothes and headed to the gym.  I was mad at the world because both my boys were acting out and I was ANGRY!  But was I angry at my boys or was I simply taking it out on them?  Yes, the thought did cross my mind—I’d be better off alone! 

I got on the treadmill and vowed to take it easy….the last time I showed my face around here was on December 19th and even though I worked out at home to some DVD’s, I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to keep up!  To my surprise, I kicked butt!!  I took all my frustrations and all my anger out on that treadmill and now, I am smiling at the world.  I feel hopeful, optimistic…I am on a runner’s high!

The moral of the story is this:  In the last few months, I have learned that exercising and eating healthy not only helps me reach my weight-loss goals, it lifts my mood, my spirit! 

For the first week of the year, I lost ONE lb.   My weekly goal is 1.3 lbs.  so for not having exercised, I think I did pretty darn good!  The goal for this week is 1.6 lbs. weight-loss.  Somehow, I know that I can do it….somehow, getting on that treadmill reminded me of how wonderful it feels to move my body.  It reminded me that it is worth it to track my food and get my veggies, vitamins and fruits in!  It reminded me that even though I seek balance in all things, taking care of my body makes it that much easier to take care of my mind.  Somehow, I can’t even remember why I was mad at my boys to begin with! 

So….1 week down, 51 more weeks to go!

Finally, thanks to our super star buddy Nancy, I am thinspired to change one ugly habit this year…eating infront of the boob tube.  So, Nancy, you asked me if I would count the days and the answer is YES!  I am also going to reward myself with a sticker for everyday I accomplish my goal!  Thanks for the idea Anj!  Buddies thinspiring buddies, that’s what this website is all about. 

Ok not in the way many people climb, or I should say crawl under a desk to the TOP!  Naughty, naughty Jo!! LOL!

I have a sleeping problem.  I have had it since I was a kid.  I am a chronic insomniac.  Exercise has helped in the past, but lately, I have fallen off the exercise wagon.  NOTE TO SELF:  Must not fall off any wagons, it hurts and it takes too much energy to get back on! 

One of my daily/weekly things to do is to dedicate at least 8 hours to sleep–for me, it’s damn near impossible to do! 

Did anyone watch the Oprah special on Larry King?  Oprah talked about her struggles with weight, which coicidently is the struggles most of us face, what I thought was interesting was that she seemed to have every single issue under the sun for having gained her weight back…I would go into more detail but I’m afraid I am veering off point and my blog is starting to sound like a ramble.  I do have a point.  Here it is: 

Bob Green and Dr. Oz brought up the subject of SLEEP. 

They both talked about how much we underestimate the importance of getting enough zzzz’s!  They explained everything we’ve been told and read about on the subject, about muscle repair and hormone levels for optimal function, etc., etc., etc.  What I had not yet heard and what made my ears perk up was about the three basic necessities or “cravings” of the human body—-sex, food and sleep.  Yup, I was taken aback when I heard the sex part because it made me wonder about people who have made vows of sellabacy.  Anyway Dr. Oz explained that if ONE of the basic needs of the body is not met, it is human nature to overcompensate on the others.  He explained that people who don’t sleep enough or have good quality of sleep, make up for the deficiency by eating more and eating more of the wrong foods!   Could you say Ahhhh-ha?

Maybe not, since sleep as we all know is just as important on this weight-loss journey as let’s say, ummm, I dunno, EXERCISE!?  What it is different is the concept in which Dr. Oz and Bob Green presented the IMPORTANCE of sleep!  That being said, I have to make getting in at least 8 hours, a top priority!

Thanks to my friend Nancy, I am on a mission this morning!  She blogged about her struggle with night time eating and how she has overcome it…and she THINSPIRED me to take my nasty habits and turn things around.  There are TWO things I want to concentrate on this year…TWO things which make my weight-loss THAT MUCH harder! 

1. Not getting enough sleep!
2. Eating infront of the boob tube!

Thank you Nancy for THINSPIRING me to change things and continue to move forward towards my goals! 

Another shout-out is in order for my girl Stacey who has become one of my best friends on the planet—-I am very proud of you and I THANK YOU for everything that you are and everything that you do.  We have rested, now let’s get on with the next leg of our race to success!!

Buddies, let’s get some ZZZZZZZ’s!!